I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
being pregnant is like rehab
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize