My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Boobs speak an international language.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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