woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize