Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
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As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
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You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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