that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
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you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
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at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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