Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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