Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
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I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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