I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
two words...techno handjob
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
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I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
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If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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