Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize