I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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