i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
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It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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