i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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