woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
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Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
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I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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