I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
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Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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