My liver just broke up with me...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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