So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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