last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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