I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize