I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
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I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
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It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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