i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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