I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
This house was built for laser tag.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize