I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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