Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize