dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
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In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
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Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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