we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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