I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize