the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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