Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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