Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
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sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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