people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
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Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
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You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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