yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
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a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
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I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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