I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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