im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
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I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
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I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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