How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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