You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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