He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize