yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
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You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
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How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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