Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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