i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize