It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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