I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize