I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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