I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
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I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
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Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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