Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
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well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
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So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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