i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
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Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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