I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize