i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
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The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
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What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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