I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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