i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
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It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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