Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
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the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
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Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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